Dying? Tomorrow?

My online classes always make me think. Sometimes more than other classes…Maybe because I actually have time to think about the material! Anyway, the prompt asked us to discuss what our emotions and actions would be like if we knew we were going to die soon. This is what I wrote:

“I would be sort of frightened at first and maybe disappointed that my time on earth was coming to a close. I would be excited too though, too.
I would be so very overjoyed to see Jesus and never be separated from His presence. I would be glad that I would soon no longer have to struggle with sin and pain, too.

Yet, like Jesse mentioned in his post, I would be saddened to leave others behind. I would want to make sure that I cleared up any disagreements an said things that I needed to say. I would also want to make sure that I wrote to and spoke to anyone who I believed needed to hear the gospel. And yes, I’m sure I would have some regrets; we all do.  

I would make sure that I got rid of most of my stuff before I died. I would try to make it easier for my family, since going through stuff after folks pass away can be difficult. Plus, I’m a pack-rat, so it would be a bit of a headache anyway!

I think I’d have a goodbye party for myself, too. Maybe even make up a program for my funeral and get stuff ready. Of course, that might freak folks out…

Thinking about this is a good reminder that any minute God could call me home. It’s best to be responsible now with relationships, possessions, and time. Today really could be my last…you never know.”

Do you miss Him?

A number of times, I’ve had this thought come to my mind, “I miss Jesus.” Sometimes, I thought that perhaps it was my desire to be closer to Him or become like Him…or even that my walk wasn’t doing so good lately. Yet, today I realized that it was a bit different. That feeling I get when “I miss Jesus” is a wanting for the physical presence of Christ.

I miss His arms around me even though He’s never hugged me.
I miss His voice, even though I’ve never heard Him out loud.
I miss being in His company, even though I’ve never sat next to Him.
I miss being able to talk to Him and see His face as He listens-but I never have been able to.
I miss running from a million miles and having Him catch me, although He never has.
I miss being able to cry for hours and have Him wipe away every tear that falls from my face with the perfect assurance that He’s there loving me regardless of life.
And I miss His laughter. It’s beautiful you know…

Someday that missing feeling will go away and never come back.

There is a Road

There is a road that leads to questions, there is a road that leads to pain, there is a road which brings waves of sorrow

enveloping like the rain. we all fall, we all cry, but are we crying loud enough?  do we seek what we claim to search?

The heart is deceitful above all things, who am I to trust it? rely on everything before you listen to your heart, before the wind of mental blindness washes over in the guise of love, a guise of lies which falls among the dried up leaves of the morrow.

Seek the higher way, seek His Face. For relying on the human race will hurt and gash and borrow the life from your breath til you can breath no more.

Still, I believe in One who can raise us from the death, from the mire, from the sinful life that our souls try not to desire. He can push us out, push us up, wipe the Dictator’s lies from our eyes.

Believe. And let go. Every day, every moment.

Let Him reign.

Second Blessing

To those who grew up in the Light, but never saw it. I pray that the veil is someday lifted and they see His face.

That broken subculture…

Silently bleeding,

Internally hallow,

A carcass of belief enshrouded with lies.

We are the misunderstood,

The black and the white

Sheep searching for a Shepherd

Stabbed by goodness,

Whipped by deceit.

Secretly disowning the

Heritage on the Hill

No more darker than the rest,

Yet the darkness is blindly covered by a Light

A conniving Foe took the beams of Freedom and beat

Us over

And over again.

Keeping us from seeing the Scars could lead to peace

A peace we had rejected, a peace we did not want.

A God we chose to minimize to a letter ‘g’

We are that people

Who got the Second Blessing

Time Flies!

I’m packing to leave for a missionary conference, and I picked up my journal. Read from the last year and a half’s entries…wow, so much has changed! God has worked in great ways all around me and within me even more! I’m humbled by His grace, love, and mercy.

A lot has happened these last two weeks, including a wonderful visit from a very loved person,  an exhausting VBS,  and a runaway ‘cousin.’ So many emotions, thought, conversations and words. Too much to summarize. Yet, I’ve seen God work mightily, and have no doubt He will continue to do so, even in the harder areas (finance and leaving home again). He is ….I have no words to fill the blank, many rush to my mind, yet none adequate to name His truly mind-blowing BEING.

He IS!!

What It’s All About

Today, I had to answer the question in class, “What is Christian Ethics?” It ended up being an enlightening time of typing for me!

~How are we to live our lives? How are we to know what to do or not do? What is Christian ethics?…..

It revolves around who we are in Christ.  “In Christ.”  Not next to Him, behind Him or before Him. IN HIM. Our whole life should be a development of that relation. When we believe that Christ can meet God’s requirements for us and we can be IN him before God, we are seen as Him. God no longer looks at a failed human being who failed to meet His “do’s” and “don’ts.” He sees Christ alone. If we are in Him, there is no better place to be!

When we place our faith in Him to bridge the gap between us a God, we begin a relationship. Rather, in many ways, we repair one. Ever since Adam sinned (breaking the glorious relationship he had with God), God has been offering a way to repair that. He offered the law, an impossible means of reparation. (As mentioned in the videos, Christian ethics is impossible!) Yet, this was followed by the sacrifice of Christ, a possible means to reparation of that relationship. The basis of our daily lives no longer has to be based on attempts to follow laws, or a set of ethical expectations, but it is based on that relationship. Many times, we liken the life of a Christian to a plant which needs to be nurtured and feed to grow. It is through the growth of this relationship with Christ that we know how to live. His living Spirit is what guides us!

Over the years, my mom mentions how she and my dad become more like each other each day. They adopt each others habits, or mannerisms, actions, or perspectives. Everyday they are becoming more into ONE person. I think I finally understand why Jesus calls the church of believers His Bride. Like a wife becomes more like her husband, He wants us to become more like Him. To be really IN Him. So much, that one day, we will not be able to find where Christ begins in our lives or where He ends. A seamless garment before God.

When you are in something, you are surrounded. Our lives need to be surrounded by Christ. Every moment, every breath should be IN Him. We are not our own, nor should we live that way.
In striving for this daily non-separation from Christ is where we find our identity in Him. When we give up our lives to Him, the process begins. There is no more Elise Reyes. I gave myself up to be absorbed by Christ. In Him, I should “live, breath, and have my being” as the Bible says.  It’s such an exciting and beautiful thing, it makes me want to shout for joy and cry at the same time.

Again?

So, we just said bye to one fellow missionary family last week. Now this week, another.

I really don’t like this goodbye business. Yet, missionaries have to do it over and over again. It’s a reminder in a way…not to cling to tightly to this world I guess.

Glad for Facebook though. I could not have survived as an Mk twenty years ago. Snail mail would have killed off all my friendships. I’ve been quite blessed to have been born to this generation! I’m also even more glad I serve a God who is sovereign and gives us only as much as we can take. He is so AMAZING!

I Told You So

Why do we do stupid things?

For years, I’ve been drinking the Mexican tap water (well using it) when I brush my teeth. Mama has always warned me about it. Don’t use the “bug water” to brush your teeth!! But, I did it anyway.

Fool. Haha…Now, I’m sick. That’s what I get for drinking “white man water” for the last two years at college! No…that’s what I get for not obeying mama.

How many times do we do what we know is foolish because we want our own way? How many times does it lead to pain or failure?

Why do we walk into traps when the Lord has so easily given us a way out? Why do we ignore the advice of others selfishly and end up regretting it…

Stubborn independence brings pain, suffering, broken promises, hurt, anger, regret and more. What does it take to say, “yes, You know better than I?”

Cleaning Up

Today, I took apart the family PC keyboard. It was filthy; I can’t remember the last time we cleaned it out.

Dirty, dusty, and just plain old nasty.

Makes me think of lives. My life, your life, and ours. How much hidden dirt and grime do we have hidden in our hearts? We try to function and move on with it, but it only hinders. Like the sticky keys which keep the words from being typed out clean and easy, the secret sins of our lives keep us from living clean and joyful lives. What will it take for you to allow your Maker to enter the recesses of your heart and mind to clear out the darkness which hinders your walk?

Are there people you have not forgiven? Habits you cling to which are stunting to your growth? Sins are sometimes as blatant as the sun in the sky, but other times only the Son of God can uncover them to the Light.

A Prayer for the Abuser

Today, I was frustrated with myself for the anger I felt inside because of the abuse of a friend. There was something I knew I had to do …so I wrote a poem about it. And then I did it. This is one of the most edgy poems I think I’ve written in a long time. I wrote it not only for just this one case, but for all those out there who have been abused in some way.

The fact of the fact that the memory of him

Makes you miserable and hurt

Makes me angry and frustrated

Makes me want to politely yet firmly

Punch him to kingdom come

Makes me bitter, makes me hate

Makes me say things

That berate him

Cuz I’m angry

Cuz I’m confused

Cuz I think he is secretly bemused at his

Deceptive, degenerative, corruptive power

Even though I’m not the one who’s been

Twisted, abused, and belittled

If my spirit were my hands

It t’would be shaking

I cry out!

God, why?

I seek no answer, but I do

I wish I knew, but I

Don’t ever

Tell me he was nice, don’t tell me he had been caring

T’were it true, there would be a whole you

Not burned, crying, and suffering

I know what I have to do.

I don’t want to.

Yet, I know there is only one thing that will free me from this passionate almost-hate

I believe it will heal me, and is the only thing that will eventually heal you…

So, with a deep breath, and in a whisper

I am saying a prayer for your abuser.

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