PT Mtg

Only seventeen and she threw herself away
Away to the moments of oblivion
Now nineteen and she’s feeling kinda green
Wishing she felt like her age
But never will she be the girl in yellow
Mellow with the sun on her face
Time to grow up,
Time to show up
To a parent teacher meeting.

Dying? Tomorrow?

My online classes always make me think. Sometimes more than other classes…Maybe because I actually have time to think about the material! Anyway, the prompt asked us to discuss what our emotions and actions would be like if we knew we were going to die soon. This is what I wrote:

“I would be sort of frightened at first and maybe disappointed that my time on earth was coming to a close. I would be excited too though, too.
I would be so very overjoyed to see Jesus and never be separated from His presence. I would be glad that I would soon no longer have to struggle with sin and pain, too.

Yet, like Jesse mentioned in his post, I would be saddened to leave others behind. I would want to make sure that I cleared up any disagreements an said things that I needed to say. I would also want to make sure that I wrote to and spoke to anyone who I believed needed to hear the gospel. And yes, I’m sure I would have some regrets; we all do.  

I would make sure that I got rid of most of my stuff before I died. I would try to make it easier for my family, since going through stuff after folks pass away can be difficult. Plus, I’m a pack-rat, so it would be a bit of a headache anyway!

I think I’d have a goodbye party for myself, too. Maybe even make up a program for my funeral and get stuff ready. Of course, that might freak folks out…

Thinking about this is a good reminder that any minute God could call me home. It’s best to be responsible now with relationships, possessions, and time. Today really could be my last…you never know.”

Do you miss Him?

A number of times, I’ve had this thought come to my mind, “I miss Jesus.” Sometimes, I thought that perhaps it was my desire to be closer to Him or become like Him…or even that my walk wasn’t doing so good lately. Yet, today I realized that it was a bit different. That feeling I get when “I miss Jesus” is a wanting for the physical presence of Christ.

I miss His arms around me even though He’s never hugged me.
I miss His voice, even though I’ve never heard Him out loud.
I miss being in His company, even though I’ve never sat next to Him.
I miss being able to talk to Him and see His face as He listens-but I never have been able to.
I miss running from a million miles and having Him catch me, although He never has.
I miss being able to cry for hours and have Him wipe away every tear that falls from my face with the perfect assurance that He’s there loving me regardless of life.
And I miss His laughter. It’s beautiful you know…

Someday that missing feeling will go away and never come back.

Time Flies!

I’m packing to leave for a missionary conference, and I picked up my journal. Read from the last year and a half’s entries…wow, so much has changed! God has worked in great ways all around me and within me even more! I’m humbled by His grace, love, and mercy.

A lot has happened these last two weeks, including a wonderful visit from a very loved person,  an exhausting VBS,  and a runaway ‘cousin.’ So many emotions, thought, conversations and words. Too much to summarize. Yet, I’ve seen God work mightily, and have no doubt He will continue to do so, even in the harder areas (finance and leaving home again). He is ….I have no words to fill the blank, many rush to my mind, yet none adequate to name His truly mind-blowing BEING.

He IS!!

Again?

So, we just said bye to one fellow missionary family last week. Now this week, another.

I really don’t like this goodbye business. Yet, missionaries have to do it over and over again. It’s a reminder in a way…not to cling to tightly to this world I guess.

Glad for Facebook though. I could not have survived as an Mk twenty years ago. Snail mail would have killed off all my friendships. I’ve been quite blessed to have been born to this generation! I’m also even more glad I serve a God who is sovereign and gives us only as much as we can take. He is so AMAZING!

Little Mexican Fishing Village

I read a friend’s post today about mourning her MK past. It reminded me of a lot of feelings I’ve had over the years about missing the past…reminded me of a poem I wrote a few years back too…

Little Mexican fishing village

Little Mexican fishing village down by the sea

Little Mexican fishing village loved by you and me

We lived our lives, dealt with strife

We thanked God for prosperity…

But times changed, as they are apt to do

Times, changed, greatly affecting me and you

Change brought horses, carriages, money

Things we just can’t live without

Machines, communication, progress

They called it…

Even though drugs and diseases came, too.

Tis said Saint Luke is more progressed

I say Saint Joe’s just fine.

At least it was…

But now, the paleteria’s been painted.

The plaza’s been re-vamped.

And now, for the first time in my life,

The town clock tells the time.

Joy vs. Happiness

So, today I feel happy. My mama is coming home from her trip! This feeling of positive goodness is definitely circumstantial. When mama left 10 days ago, I did not feel happy, but I could feel joy.

Joy is not dependent on one’s circumstances, while happiness is.

I felt joy because my dear overworked mother would get a wonderful break from it all and get to spend time doing something she loved (genealogy). I was not happy that I would not get to see her for a whole long ten days.

So many times, I have chosen happiness over joy. Not only am I given a rollercoaster of a ride, but I end up feeling dry and empty when circumstances change.

Even so, I am prone to finding myself depressed when my circumstances are amazing.

I have all I need. A family that loves me, an amazing boyfriend and his family who love me, a chance to get an education, a past where God has always provided, and most of all a saving relationship with Christ! So why, why do I get depressed at times? Why is my “happy-ness” level on Zero?

I believe it’s because my focus is on myself and not on Christ. I want to “feel” good. I, me, and myself.

Joy looks at what Christ has given me, who He is, and praises Him in Sunshine or Storm. Joy moves on. How I wish I chose joy every time over happiness!

Will you choose joy? It’s so much more longlasting…

Little Mother

It’s been four days that I’ve been little mother. I miss my mama lots and am getting a refreshed  perspective on all that she does. I’ve always been aware of the vast amount of what my mother does for us. She’s been an amazing mom and has given up a lot for us. She’s been a great teacher for 20 plus years and has taught me to do whatever I do well.

Yet, it’s funny how a good dose of housework and some cooking can assure you that there’s no need to hurry into getting a place of your own. All in God’s timing…*smile.

Summertime

There is so much time to use! I’ve got two online classes, an online job, and vbs this summer. But that is it. Aside from housework and volunteering randomly at church.

Oh yes, and helping out with the youth. I’m excited about that. Hopefully, it works out….

Sharing. There is so much that the younger generation has to share with the older. At least in the ways of technology.

But what about the past? What about the experience the older generation has to share with the Younger ones. Will they listen? If they do not, the second law of thermodynamics will take effect in a much greater way.

What do you have to share?

Missing You

My mother leaves for a short trip with my uncle soon, and I’m already missing her.

I wonder why I feel like I’ll miss her so when I’ve been gone for three months. My brother thinks its because of being so distracted at school, and I agree. When your mind is not very occupied, it is easier for it to think of what’s missing.

A person, a habit, a conversation usually had. A cup of tea. A letter.

When you are not busy, it is easier for the mind to be plagued by that which is no longer.

Do you find your past haunting you? Do you find the absence of one you care for grow deeper?

…are you less busy? Are you at rest?

Sometimes, rest does not bring peace. A Restful body might dredge up a restless soul.

Put your cares to Christs’ Hands and get busy. And don’t forget to whistle while you work. He’s got it covered.