Restless.

What makes you restless?

For me its many things..

• peace and quiet
• been living the crazy stressed life too much
• not having a goal
• not being of use to anyone
• helplessness in a situation
• being in a closed space with lots of people
• like parties or get togethers…can’t stand ‘em!
• waiting for something
• like a grade on a paper, or a class, or a letter
• hunger
• hmm….maybe I should check out the fridge
• and I’m sure there is more!

Right now, I’m super hungry. Home always makes me hungry. I think it’s the idea that there is food at my disposal and it is far from being the cafeteria! It’s also really  quiet in the house right now…Hmmm. we can fix that too! Let’s see…Gone With the Wind? Star Wars IV? Hello Dolly? Annie Get Your Gun?  An Alfred Hitchcock? Oklahoma? Anne of Green Gables?

Well, I’ll get some food first…Maybe that will help me make up my mind! :)

What makes you restless?

Distraction

SO….It takes a lot to make me sit down for an extended period of time. Continuously. Without doing anything else other than homework.

I sit down, work a little..then check my email, then my facebook, then look at people’s stuff, then some new photography business’s pics, then I go back to reading. For about ten minutes.

And it happens over and over. And finally, I’ve got some work done! Goodness, why do I waste so much time being distracted by the world! The internet is especially evil. I should turn off my internet for a bit, maybe that will help me get something done…

I was such a good student in highschool! I really was. I had great study habits…and now they are all gone. College took them away from me! I wonder what else college has done to me..I’m sure I could come up with an extensive list. Hmm, I’ll make one tomorrow.

Anyone else seem to have become more ‘bird-minded’ and distracted because of college? Or maybe it’s not college? What is the source of my loss of concentration? Is it just then internet?

Time Flies!

I’m packing to leave for a missionary conference, and I picked up my journal. Read from the last year and a half’s entries…wow, so much has changed! God has worked in great ways all around me and within me even more! I’m humbled by His grace, love, and mercy.

A lot has happened these last two weeks, including a wonderful visit from a very loved person,  an exhausting VBS,  and a runaway ‘cousin.’ So many emotions, thought, conversations and words. Too much to summarize. Yet, I’ve seen God work mightily, and have no doubt He will continue to do so, even in the harder areas (finance and leaving home again). He is ….I have no words to fill the blank, many rush to my mind, yet none adequate to name His truly mind-blowing BEING.

He IS!!

Multi-tasking!

OHH boy! Today was a long day. Tomorrow will be too. Sheesh, not looking forward to all I have to do. But it can be done!! To God be the glory! I pray He gives me the strength to multitask and get my work done. He is amazing!! What a Great God I serve! SO BLESSED! <3

Again?

So, we just said bye to one fellow missionary family last week. Now this week, another.

I really don’t like this goodbye business. Yet, missionaries have to do it over and over again. It’s a reminder in a way…not to cling to tightly to this world I guess.

Glad for Facebook though. I could not have survived as an Mk twenty years ago. Snail mail would have killed off all my friendships. I’ve been quite blessed to have been born to this generation! I’m also even more glad I serve a God who is sovereign and gives us only as much as we can take. He is so AMAZING!

Little Mexican Fishing Village

I read a friend’s post today about mourning her MK past. It reminded me of a lot of feelings I’ve had over the years about missing the past…reminded me of a poem I wrote a few years back too…

Little Mexican fishing village

Little Mexican fishing village down by the sea

Little Mexican fishing village loved by you and me

We lived our lives, dealt with strife

We thanked God for prosperity…

But times changed, as they are apt to do

Times, changed, greatly affecting me and you

Change brought horses, carriages, money

Things we just can’t live without

Machines, communication, progress

They called it…

Even though drugs and diseases came, too.

Tis said Saint Luke is more progressed

I say Saint Joe’s just fine.

At least it was…

But now, the paleteria’s been painted.

The plaza’s been re-vamped.

And now, for the first time in my life,

The town clock tells the time.

Little Mother

It’s been four days that I’ve been little mother. I miss my mama lots and am getting a refreshed  perspective on all that she does. I’ve always been aware of the vast amount of what my mother does for us. She’s been an amazing mom and has given up a lot for us. She’s been a great teacher for 20 plus years and has taught me to do whatever I do well.

Yet, it’s funny how a good dose of housework and some cooking can assure you that there’s no need to hurry into getting a place of your own. All in God’s timing…*smile.

World’s Applause

One of my friends posted a quote from Glee the other day. Now, I’ve never watched Glee before (and don’t plan on it either!!), but I identified with the quote.

“I’m like Tinkerbell, I need applause to live!”

At first glance, it seems very self-centered. And it is.  But a close look reveals that it’s the drive of many individuals whether or not they have become the center of their own worlds.

I’m task-oriented. If I’m not doing something or achieving a goal, I have no drive. If I don’t have a position which gives me “value,” I feel like I have none.

My first semester in college was very difficult. Not only did I not have a “purpose” but it also took me awhile to find my “place”.  I had no job, no position, thus, I felt as if I was of no use to anyone. I soon became the “hall mommy” in my search to be of value to others. It later led me to try out to be an RA and not be successful in achieving the position. Later on, I joined Student Senate, or ASB, and soon became a part of that world. I became the yearbook editor, which gave me some purpose of existence. At least until the book was sent to the printers, and I was done for the year. Later on, it was handed out, although it was repeatedly praised, it was also criticized lots as well. In each situation, I wanted to be something so that others would think better of me. Of course, that wasn’t my train of thought at the time, but I believe it was subconsciously my drive.

In high school, I was the “ever-helpful pastors’ daughter”…constantly working for the praise of others’ it seemed. That’s part of why  starting college was hard. I was used to the applause and appreciation of the whole church. College hit, and I had none.

I wonder if that’s why I freak out about the possibility of getting a B in a class. Why do I strive so hard to get something which will make me feel like I’m worth something? Something for others to praise?

It’s not like I’m being Pharisaical. I’m not trying to earn my way to heaven. I do not rely on my achievements to give me a good standing with God, rather I’m addicted to wanting a good standing with others.  That’s most likely why the thought of someone being upset with me can eat me alive.

I’m glad I don’t have to rely on doing well in life for God to accept me. Goodness, all I have to do is believe that what Christ did on the cross to take my place is enough to bridge the gap between my sinfulness and God’s holiness! How amazing is that? He is ever good.

Now, I just have to make His applause my focus. I need to make His glory the aim, and not mine.

Home Sweet Home

So, it happened again.

Each time I come home for a visit or break from school I do it. I am used to living the life of a single adult with no responsibilities. I come home ready to relax and tell Mum how to discipline the kids.  Then the ever-occurring argument ensues.

Moving home can be amazing; it can be trying, too.

As college students, we are used to running the show. Setting our own bedtimes, even eating times. Then we come back home, and everything is already in it’s own grove. We have to mold. And we don’t like it.

Come to think of it, home is a much better prep for the real world than college is. For example, it teaches you to be part of a team. Dishes, housework, cleaning, and sharing the tv are all things which not only will help one when married or sharing apartments with others, but also in the workplace.

College is such a false reality, especially dorm and cafeteria life. Someone washes your dishes, someone makes your food, someone even pays a lot of your bills at times. It’s a prolonged “highschool”. Oooh, I have a bunch I could say about that but, I’ll wait ’til laters.